The Story on Stuff That Ain't Important
by Mr. Miagi's Banana Factory
Summary: Just a bunch of random stuff. Seifer thinks he was raped by Irvine, who became the new naked cowboy, even though he was at the beach, and other messed up stuff.


Yes now, I have finally come back to write another fic in this category. I haven't written in FF8 for about a year, and the last one I put up sucked balls. I hope this one will actually be worth reading... if it isn't... HA! YOU WILL HAVE WASTED YOUR LIFE FOR NOTHING!!! I sense your envy of my neck! And I don't blame you! Drool over my magical powers that pinto beans can only dream of! Holy wax! Check out my armpits! Read my shit or I'll kill you!!! Oh... and I own nothing.

Garden seemed peaceful enough, Zell was at home in Balamb, Irvine was checking out girls at the beach, Selphie had caught a deadly virus and was stuck in the hospital wing, Rinoa was locked in her room, Quistis was reading something, and Squall, well, he never really did talk, now did he? Yes, it sure was peaceful alright, but that was soon going to change, otherwise this story would suck ass, and wouldn't go on beyond this paragraph. NO, THAT WOULD NOT BE A GOOD THING! SHUT UP DUMBASS!!!

Back to where we were. Garden's peacefulness was shattered by a high pitched scream. Seifer ran down the Garden steps, his clothes torn, and he was sobbing. Zell suddenly rushed in, even though he had been at his house a second ago, which just proves that RPG characters are the spawn of satan. 

"Seifer! What's the matter?!"

"It's Irvine! He raped me!"

".... don't you have to be Selphie for this story plot to go anywhere?"

"Shut up! It's a great improvision from what the original one was going to be about."

"Yeah... but, Irvine's at the beach. How could he rape you in the dorms/classroom/hallway/broom closet if he's at the beach?"

".... I ran in from the beach?"

"Dude, you came down the elevator!"

" Fine! I FLEW over garden to the second floor where I went down the elevator! You try to disprove me and I'll rip you a new one!"

"Seifer, you're brilliant," Zell said in his most convincing voice. While Seifer went on about how he knew he was the greatest, the best, most spectacular, (completely forgetting he had been 'raped' two minutes ago), Quistis walked on the scene, for she seems to be the only voice of reason in the game. Hence, she must die.

"Seifer, you cannot change the story plot for your own convenience. You must continue with the original, or else bad things will happen."

Seifer looked at her in puzzlement (if there is such a word). "What kind of bad things?"

"Things that are, er, BAD!"

Seifer and Zell gasped in horror. No, they didn't have a reason to be gasping, and were only doing it because it was 'dramatic,' but you're a smart kid, so I'm sure you figured that out... if you didn't, you are a moron. 

"Alright, I'll continue with the original plot," Seifer cleared his throat, "'Guys, you must help, I have-' no, I'm sorry, I can't do it. It's too gay."

Zell looked at him in disgust, "You say this is so horribly gay, and yet you planned on a story involving you being raped by Irvine... you fag!"

"Shut up chicken wuss! Crap, that sounds loserish... Okay, your new name in cock sucker, it suits you."

"Cunt face."

"Randy Wench."

"Intolerable Slut!"

"Dickless Whore!"

Zell stumbled from the ever painful verbal bitch slap. How did Seifer know?! Ask 'know what,' and it will prove that you are a friggin ass wipe. Anywho, around this time, Irvine waltzed on in, keeping everything in a very lovely 3:4 time.

"Howdy y'all!"

Quistis stared, Zell gawked, and Seifer gasped as he tried to pull his shredded clothes together.

"Keep away from me you rapist!"

Quistis glared at him. "Damn it! We told you we ARE NOT using that plot!"

"Dude," Zell looked on in disbelief, "why hell don't you have your clothes on?"

"You're lookin' at the new naked cowboy, pardner!"

"I think it is very becoming of you," Quistis said as she stared at his... legs... It was around then, a wheel chair bound Selphie with an air mask and oxygen tank following, came over.

"Stop staring at gasp my wheez man!"

"I can stare at whatever I want, ya damn cripple!"

"Zell, I wasn't huff talking to you."

"Oh..."

There was a moment of silence as the sicky and the nerd glared at each other, and all the guys present knew what this would lead to... CAT FIGHT!!! Quistis tackled Selphie and ripped her air mask off, followed by smacking her face repeatedly. Selphie kicked her off and breathed on her, infecting Quistis with her deadly illness. This was followed by much slapping and shredding of clothing, which the male audience greatly appreciated. 

It wasn't too long after that headmaster Cid walked in on the scene, breaking up the fight, with Seifer, Zell, and Irvine glaring at him in utter hatred.

"Ladies," the headmaster began, "If you are going to do that, then please, proceed in my office. There you can use 'special weapons' that I have at my disposal!" 

Selphie and Quistis nodded at each other in agreement, and were lead off by Cid, with a huge perverted grin playing across his face. 

"Man, this bites!" Zell said bitterly. It wasn't everyday you got to see a catfight... well, maybe it WAS, but that didn't mean that it wasn't appreciated.

Irvine sighed. "Anyway, how about I take out my guitar and play a little tune for y'all?"

Seifer looked horrified. "Don't act like I don't know what you're talking about?! I can totally tell what you are suggesting! Why don't you come on out and say it?! You want to sexually harass me again, don't you?!"

"... Dude, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Don't play dumb with me!"

"Wha?"

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Alas, the mute voice of reason had stepped forward. Yes, Squall had just made his appearance.

"............!!!!.....!"

"Well yeah, but-" Seifer was cut off.

"!!!!!!!!!!!!!....!!!.."

"Oh c'mon!"

"!!!!!"

"Tch... You're no fun." Seifer then did as he was told, and headed back upstairs to change into his normal non-ripped clothing. Zell made his way over to Squall.

"Hey there babe!"

"............"

"What do ya mean, 'we ain't together?' You love me, baby, I know ya do!"

"...........!!!...."

"Fine, deny your feelings. I can wait. Soon you'll be CRAWLING to me like a thing that, er, CRAWLS!!!"

Irvine looked at the two of them, totally lost in the conversation. "Zell, how the hell do you know what he's 'saying,' if you can even label 'just standing there' as such."

"Look, you wouldn't understand. Only those who share the utmost bounds of love could understand what the other is saying!"

"... Does that mean Squall's cheating on you with Seifer, cuz I coulda sworn they understood each other, too."

Zell gasped. "YOU'RE RIGHT!!! Squall IS cheating on me!! How could I have been so blind?? That's why you would never confess your feelings for me, isn't it?!" Zell turned to Squall, "Didn't our relationship mean anything to you?! There was that day you were hungry, and I gave you my only hotdog from the cafeteria, and this is how you repay me?! By going out behind my back with that easily raped floosy?!"

"................"

"Um, Zell," Irvine said, unsure of what all was taking place, "Are you saying that Squall is indebted to you because you gave him a hot dog?"

"Well, YEAH!!"

"... man, I am so glad I never asked you for anything."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Nothin. And what's with the whole Seifer thing?"

"Didn't anybody tell you? You raped him. Geez, some sexual predator you are."

"I raped Seifer??? Wow... I never knew..." Irvine looked at the ceiling with awe. Who woulda thought such a thing would have slipped his mind so easily. Man, that must have been some dynamite sex for him not to have even remembered a single thing from the occurrence.

"Wait, so last night me and Seifer got our groove on."

"No! You idiot, it was when you were at the beach."

"We did it on the beach?"

"NO!!! You guys did it in the dorms... or somewhere on the second floor...."

"But how did we do anything in the dorms if I was at the beach?"

"Don't ask me!! I wasn't the perpetrator, ya know?"

As Irvine was being easily convinced that he was a dirty dirty man by Zell, Squall sat there on his bum in the middle of hall wherever they were. It wasn't like he had anything important to do, after all. It was while all of this was happening that there was an announcement on the PA. 

"Squall and co, get to the bridge immediately, you have a new assignment!"

So the whole FF8 cast ran up to the bridge to start on their newest assignment.

Yeah, not the best so far, and I don't know what the assignment is gonna be, but I needed a way to end it. Yeah, I'm under achieving, once again. Anyway, if it is liked, I'll post more. If not, then I'll just leave it be. Lemme know whatcha think, okay?


End file.
